Being blessed with high amounts of insulin in my blood constantly, I get to have headaches on a regular basis. Like today for instance. After  a healthy lunch of salad with, you guessed it, leftover thanksgiving turkey, my body decided it wanted more sugar/carbs. When this happens I get this serious craving for chocolate, bread, icecream, or just anything with fucking processed sugars. (Insulin is supposed to BALANCE the amount of glucose in your blood, but with me, its always out of balance) If I don't give into this craving the headaches start. I've been trying to be good and sticking to my diet of fresh veggies, fruit, low fat meats and other low carb goodness... If I don't stick to that sort of diet I get lathargic, gain a shitload of weight, and feel like a turd.  After thanksgiving that all went to shit. Nobody can pass up my mom's homemade stuffing, and I was no exception.

I fed my fubar body stuffing and it sent me into food coma. Now to get my body used to low sugar/carb crap again I must try to fight the cravings... By 3pm my head hurt so bad that even advil wouldn't help. I gave in and bought some oreos. I haven't eaten oreos in like a year.  When I was a kid oreos and milk were one of my favs. I know they are full of shit that is not good for you, but dammit I wanted oreos and milk today. I limited myself to 6 cookies so I don't feel quite so bad. As a kid I could have eaten half the package. 

My headache has now simmered down to a low throb and my craving has been sated. People who don't have to be carefull of what they eat are lucky bastards. Just looking at the package of oreos on the shelf made my ass bigger by osmosis.

Some people call it being "endowed"... but what I want to know is, why does this so called endowment have to be a pain in my neck. Litteraly! Every small boobed woman should consider herself lucky.

On a daily basis I have to put up with neck pain, sore shoulder muscles, and an empty pocket book. Bras for a DD chica like myself cost a fortune. And you can't forget that Victoria's Secret doesn't sell bras that actually fit real DD tits. I went there and found a D cup... with so much padding that I'm sure that no D sized titty could fit into comfortably. My nipples started to hurt just looking at the thing.

If you go to a regular department store, the only bras they sell are the ugly white cotton, ultra thick shoulder strap, ugly old lady bras. So I am forced to shop at Lane Bryant. They cater to us fat chicks for our clothing needs (at least dress clothes cuz Torrid has a lot COOLER clothes) yet when you get to the check out they just bend you over and analy rape you without bothering to use lube. I don't know about the rest of you, but shitting normally is a good thing.

The last bras I purchased I lucked out on. I had a coupon to get $25 off a purchase of $75 dollars or more, and bras were buy one get one 1/2 off. A bra that's pretty/sexy, fits decent, and doesn't make my tits look like the tips of cartoon missles cost about $35... Yes that's for 1 bra and that's on the lower end of the cost scale. Plus when you have big gonzagas, bras seem to wear out faster. I have to buy new ones about every 6 months if the underwire doesn't pop out before that and jab my poor sensitive boobie.

So if you have tiny tits and want to bitch and complain and get implants. Think again! Right now my shoulders are so sore that my neck hurts and its giving me a monster headache. And that's just from wearing a demi bra. If I wasn't worried about sagging to my knees by the time I'm 35, or turning to fast and knocking the person next to me out, I'd go braless. Maybe I can find a cute guy who's a total tit lover and have him be my boob holder. Teehee...

 I swear because its thanksgiving tomorrow everyone behind the wheel of an automobile took their brain out and decided to go without intelligence for this 4 day weekend. I needed a cd player really bad. The only thing that would have vented my rage better would be listening to Ministry or even Snot...at FULL VOLUME. I had so many dumbasses pull in front of me, slam on their brakes for no apparent reason, fail to notice lights were RED... I mean the list goes on and on. One fuckass looks right at me as I'm driving down a busy street. I was going the speed limit (well maybe 5 mph over it) and he just pulls out in front of me. He stopped and sat there watching me speed towards him, THEN pulled out at the last possible minute. I had to slam on my breaks and the box of tire chains all the way in the back of the bus slid forward and slammed into the courtesy panel behind my seat. It was all I could do to keep my left hand from hanging out the window with my middle finger pointing skyward in a salute to his idiocy...

When I drive my car I'm very much into gesturing at asshole drivers that piss me off. Its so hard when I'm driving bus to not lay on the horn. I did honk at this one dumb biotch who just randomly swerved into my lane without signaling. I had a customer on the bus who was frail, and when I have to slam on my breaks to avoid a dumbass it really hurts them... We're not supposed to honk angrily at people either. According to our training a "friendly honk of the horn" is what we're supposed to do... Well I gave her a "friendly"  long honk of the horn to let her know she was being a total cockgobbling cum&nbs p;guzzler and that pulling out in front of a 9 ton bus was probably not very smart. If I wasn't so paranoid about getting in an accident on the job I would have turned my brights on and got really close to her rear end so all she could see was my grill in her rear view mirror... But alas... I'm too much a good girl.

Its starting to come clear to me that most men are assholes and the ones that say they are "real" are just lying. Makes me wonder about the bdsm community in general... I was contacted by one of the so called "dominants" from a site (i won't name names) and this guy was charming, seemed intelligent, and right off the bat stated my size didn't matter. I didn't judge him on his appearance. I mean he's a tall skinny guy.  Not like he's the sexiest one i've ever seen. By far he is not, but I was going by what he had to say not his body.  My profile lists my weight. I'm not hiding it at all. I also have a pic up. Its from september so its not old.  This guy asks me to meet him so I said yes. An innocent walk around saturday market. Nice and public. We arrange a place to meet and a time, and he never shows up. I'm assuming since he deleted my email without reading it that he drove by, saw my appearance, and kept on driving.  A REAL man who's not an asshole would at least have stopped, said they were not interested and been kind about it.  I've  had to do that. Its way more considerate than leaving someone standing there for almost an hour.  I know some would say "just lose the weight and then you'll have no problem"... well gee I'm trying and without drugs it just stays steady. Genetic disease, not laziness or a lack of care about my appearance is what's doing it. I used to be curvy as hell and hot but the doctors misdiagnosed me for 12 years and it slowly slipped from my grasp no matter how much I dieted or worked out. (when I was 19 I was at the gym EVERY DAY) Sure I know not everyone is going to find a "fat chick" attractive. They can go pound sand for all I care. Same with the loser who left me standing there waiting.  Let them try to find a sincere chica with bj skills that have been given kudos by 2 gay men (Mr.Oregon Leather 2004 thank you very much) who really know their stuff, who can cook like an italian grandmother, has the sex drive of a nymphomaniac, and is caring, considerate and loving.  Go ahead and go for the girl just on looks alone.  I hope you end up severely dissapointed in the end and treats you like total SHIT.

1 month is all I have to wait to get health insurance back. 1 month and I can finally see my doctor and get back on the hormone meds that helped me drop 40lbs in 3 months before my coverage ended.  When I'm back to my ideal weight and looking like a total hotty, I'll send the assholes a picture of me and show them what they missed out on. Then all the fat haters can have arial intercourse with a rotating pastry.

Someone has to be because damn... Our nation is just sad. Well let me rephrase that... Our LEADER is just plain sad. Anyone who can't think his way out of a piss soaked paper sa ck should not be president. Hell he shouldn't even be allowed to pump his own gas... I'm sure breathing is even difficult for him.

Someone mentioned today that they hope Bush's brother doesn't run in 4 years... If that happens I'm moving to glorious Canada... By then our economy will be nonexistant and everyone but the rich will live in cardboard boxes behind abandoned Walmarts...

My predictions for the next 4 years:

The War in Iraq will still be going on to some extent (And Bush will still pretend its over)

Iraq will have elections but it won't do a damn bit of good

Dick will have a heart attack and die... people will dance on his grave

Bush will give more money to the rich

More jobs will be shipped over seas

The unemployment rates will get worse

Thank you ignorant republican fucks for another 4 years of hell!

Having a job that requires me to drive all day long has exposed me to more idiots on the road than most humanoids experience in their lifetime. I'm going to generalize here so if you fall into the category of some of the people I talk about in this blog... well... tough shit I guess.

Portland gets a lot of rain. This is a well known fact. California gets very little rain. Hell they don't even have storm drains on the streets there. When Californians move to Portland they need to be given training on how to drive in the rain. The first lesson plan should be on "hydroplaning". Its that thing that happens when your car starts sliding because the streets are really fucking wet. That means that you don't have traction, can't stop as quick, and steering is harder. A simple solution to this would be to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!... oh and don't ride my ass.  The last thing I need is some yuppy bastard assholing my bus with customers on it. I really don't want to expierence a gaggle of mentally handicapped folks having a general freak out attack because you people don't know how to drive. Some of them get excited if they don't get to sit in the same seat every day... So you can imagine what would happen if there was an accident.

And I don't know about other places but red lights mean stop. Green means go and the pedal on the right is the gas. When merging on the damn freeway use the pedal on the right.  Don't take your sweet ass time accelerating so all of us already on the freeway have to brake to avoid you. You have mirrors... utilize them for fuck sake.

Oh yeah... and if you can't even manage to get your big ass SUV into a regular sized parking spot wihtout it taking  you a decade... you shouldn't be driving one...