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| Schism... |
| 06.12.04 (12:10 pm) [edit] |
"I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away
mildewed and smoldering, fundamental differing,
pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion
disintegrating as it goes testing our communication the light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so
we cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication"
That part of the song from TOOL is just spinning around my head right now. Last nights events... have put it there. I'm still drifting around in a fog today. Be it from lack of sleep, dehydration, or a comprimised immune system (cuz I feel like shit physically), I don't know... Its like a doorway from my happy little miserable reality cracked open and sucked me naked into a new space that doesn't much appeal to me. I feel suffocated... even though I can't see the walls, the darkness surrounding my little puddle of light feels as if its a barrier I can't break... its not just the "events" that occured that have made me feel this way... perhaps its because all along I had painted the darkness with light just to keep myself sane enough to go on. I've been kidding myself these past 5 years... now the facade has washed away. I'm left with nothing in which to rebuild. The pieces are gone. Old hurts are still lingering and mingling with the new creating a whole new different pain.
I am not used to fear and I do not know how to deal with it right now.
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